Tandrax Industries Corporation Customer Service Division.

Whats The Point?

2007-05-20T08:29:00.000+08:00

You wanna play golf tomorrow? Nah, Kor, I suck. It'll be fun. We'll call the consultant and a couple of cousins. It'll be great. Yah but we really suck, you know. Ok fine I'll call my niggah to come as well. You remember him right? He was my driver at my wedding. Cool, so we get all excited and go to UPM and play nine holes. Niggah, had to go to work. Had lunch, then me Kor and the consultant continued another nine holes. I drove my own buggy. Now here is what I learnt: When the buggy runs out of energy, the gearbox disengages into a free running mode. So as the consultant and my brother continued up this steep hill to finish a par five. I followed, the buggy started to jerk and it went into free mode. So I hit the brakes and let it rest. Then tried again. It continued to jerk and then went into free mode. OK. I'll get out and push when it goes to free mode. This is important, so pay attention. DO NOT GET OUT AND PUSH. Because the buggy is heavier than you think. You are not that strong, the buggy follows gravity. The first thing I thought was, my dad did this one time only the buggy rolled into the lake as he ran like an idiot after it. So I'm not going to be the idiot. I'll just stand here and look cool. So it rolls back down the hill. And all you can do is say,"Shit."

Mickey Mouse.

2007-05-17T23:30:00.001+08:00

What do you do when you go to a party and you don't know anybody. I suppose you could complain about the smoke and throw a tantrum. Or. Find the mickey juice and start rocking! Ha ha...

Eat Me!

2007-05-14T20:04:00.001+08:00

Where I come from this is not a good thing to say to someone. I mean its up there with 'up yours' and flipping the bird. Does it mean something else in this fine country? They better be tasty, thats all I can say.

Mecca.

2007-05-08T12:30:00.000+08:00

My consultant has been flying in and out of HK and I asked him to check out the airsoft scene for me because I heard it was happening. It is awesome! The stuff there is so cheap and the airsofters there take it really seriously. For example, they have a Matrix scenario. One guys plays Neo. All his guns are souped up. Everyone else has suppressed guns at slower speeds. Then they do the lobby metal detector security guard scene and kick each others asses. Other scenarios include Hostage and Rescue, Terrorist and Bomb Diffusing missions. How much is a flight to HK?

Ass.

2007-05-03T18:38:00.000+08:00

Dude, I told you to stop messing with my Mac you monkey. Now look what you've done. Idiot.

Thank You!

2007-04-09T08:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Mickey Mouse Club, thank you for my excellent birthday present. It is very cool. Now I can watch tv while I jog, drive and poo.

Drifto!

2007-04-07T10:34:00.000+08:00

Did you know you can drift shopping carts? Awesome! I'm going to organise races in supermarkets now.

Note to self.

2007-04-07T10:12:00.000+08:00

You are not the only monkey to wake up early and go to the megamarket. At the point of opening the carpark is full and there are zillions of people shopping already. Do they camp here overnight? And everyone smells. I know they all didn't shower this morning because they wanted to get here early. And so starts my day doing the husband and wife thing. Its pretty cool actually.

2400.

2007-04-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

They should have called it that. I mean thats how many abs there were. All 8 packs. Sick. I'll never look like that. I wonder what thats like. I mean, can you sit down? Can turn to the left or right? Can you eat anything? What waist size would you have? How would you poo?

Ko Tai Lai.

2006-12-28T23:09:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T11:38:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas to everyone! Thank you for wasting your time reading this blog and supporting it. Bless your hearts.

Wedgie!

2006-12-24T22:24:00.001+08:00

Warning. If you wear ridiculous undergarments, we will be forced to Wedgie you. Merry Christmas.

Chicken

2006-12-23T21:21:00.000+08:00

Too much Nando's isn't good for the soul.

Honours.

2006-12-23T19:34:00.000+08:00

I would like to dedicate this entry to fartface on receiving her degree in brown people studies. She has returned to our land to annoy everyone after which she shall move on to annoy another country. Welcome home!

My Dream Car.

2006-12-17T15:49:00.001+08:00

Breakfast.

2006-12-17T12:08:00.001+08:00

Ha ha ha ha ha ha...zzzzzzzzz...

Nice.

2006-12-15T14:37:00.001+08:00

This BMW did not have its original engine. In fact nothing was original. It sounded like an SR20DET tuned to 400 ponies. Sick Niggah sick.

Gummy Poo.

2006-12-15T14:31:00.001+08:00

I've been taking a table spoon of this every morning. Its very interesting on the colon. Anyway I left it in my mouth too long today and it expanded wicked fast. That wasn't fun. Have you seen a hamster with its entire hibernation stock in its mouth?

Fred!

2006-12-15T14:25:00.001+08:00

This is his favorite number plate. It has to be. I mean why would you do that to yourself? Maybe he doesn't speak cantonese.

Stupid Car.

2006-12-15T10:01:00.001+08:00

Darling, my car won't start. Something's wrong. Ok Honey I'm on my way. Looks like the alarm system has Immobilised the car. I'll take you and my sisters home first. Then I'll call one of my Niggahs to help. Dude I'm picking you up. See you in five mins. Ok dude. Yeah its definitely Immobilised. I'll call the tow truck. Lets have a drink while we wait. Tow truck is here. Put the car in neutral. Put the handbrake on. Ok follow him. Sorry to drag you out so late Niggah. Thats ok, what are friends...hey why is that tire doing that? Thats not good. Tell him to pull over on the on ramp before he hits the Kiara highway. Crap he's calling for back up. He's out of action. While we wait, I might as well go to the bank. Five atms not working here. Try that bank. Nope. How about that one? Nope. Three banks. Somethings up. Nevermind. Lets go back before the tow truck dude gets lonely. Cops. Great you talk. My indigenous speak is not too good. English subtitles. What are you boys doing with this car? Towing it home. It broke down. His tow truck got a flat. We are waiting for his back up. Ok. He can wait here. You have to go one round and wait the other side. Ok officer. Lets go Niggah. What a waste of...a road block. Great. English subtitles. Good evening boys. Have you been drinking? I wish I had. This evening would have been more fun. Thats my car being towed back there. Ok go ahead. Tow truck dude is calling us back. His backup is here. Great, we drove round for what? Ok the new tow truck guy has hooked up the car. Lets go. Follow me. Man he's going really slowly. Hey look another Frostie, same colour as mine too. Where is the tow truck going? Why is he turning off the highway? Oh no he's following the other Frostie. Idiot. Call him. I don't have his number. Call the other tow truck dude. Now we have to drive around looking for a tow truck. He's calling me now. He's been stopped by cops. They think he stole the car. Great. Lets go. English subtitles. Hi, this is not a stolen car. Its broken. Can we go now? Bla bla bla, have a good evening officer. Lets go. I'm tired and he's going to drive so slowly. Thanks Niggah for going through this with me. Anytime dude anytime.

My House.

2006-12-14T21:19:00.001+08:00

Not really a hidden Mickey but I'd love to have a house like this.

Hidden Mickey.

2006-12-14T18:15:00.001+08:00

Its been a very long time since I had one of these. Anyway cheap thrills.

Slice Of Heaven.

2006-12-13T17:41:00.001+08:00

Thanks for taking me to get Frostie. Let me buy you tea. I know just the place. Wow, Niggah, how did you find out about this place? Dude, I'm fat. Nuff said.

I'm Pissed.

2006-12-12T09:20:00.001+08:00

In my over preparedness I packed my gym bag last night without a fresh pair of smalls. Unbelievable, now I'm sitting here wondering what to do next. Idiot. Stupid. Moron. Maybe my stuff won't notice.

Meat Flag!

2006-12-11T20:53:00.001+08:00

My brother has decided to go for a strict diet. He seems to think that It'll make a difference before my big day. So he ordered a few billion dollars worth of meat. My niece loves the meat flags.

For Sale.

2006-12-10T17:13:00.001+08:00

A 1962 Piaggio Vespa. 7 and a half grand. No not Vesper, Bond's chick, who is really ugly by the way. I've always wanted a scooter. Imagine how much money I'd save? But that means I would be labelled a Matthew Rempitt and I'd get busted all the time. Ok nevermind. I'll stick to the Aston.

I Told You Once Before...

2006-12-10T15:02:00.001+08:00

Niggah you mess with my phone I will blog you. Monkey.

And I'll take one of these too Jeeves.

2006-12-10T14:20:00.001+08:00

Don't Buy That. Buy This.

2006-12-10T14:16:00.001+08:00

Kor, i know you think the Accord is cool. But this is way cooler. And you can have your midlife crisis too. Just my two cents. Or five dollars worth.

Just In Case You Forgot.

2006-12-09T18:28:00.001+08:00

Thats my bling. Just to remind you who I am. Is it bright enough? Is it in your face enough? I'm thinking about putting more ice and onyx on it. Just so you remember who I am. Just in case you forgot.

Enterprise.

2006-12-07T18:49:00.001+08:00

Thats my sister in law. I'm very proud of her because at her age she has achieved what most of us would only achieve much later in life. A stall in the Christmas bazaar at Bangsar Village. 3 weeks. 5 figures. Well done, girl. Well done. Oh and your boyfriend too.

My Favorite Second Home.

2006-12-07T14:00:00.001+08:00

Everything works. People are trained. They take pride in their jobs. There is a higher purpose. They are organised. They get back to you. They greet you. They have quality control. They have class. So what if they are kiasu.

Your New Car 007...

2006-12-07T13:16:00.001+08:00

Since you wrecked your last car, we've had to issue you with a another one. Its temporary until your new one arrives. And it has all the usual refinements.

Now Pay Attention 007...

2006-12-07T12:22:00.001+08:00

Your new telephone. Talk here, listen here. Q, I'm well aware of the usage of a mobile phone. Ah such cockiness, 007. This is no ordinary telephone, it has 3G and a 3.2 megapixel camera. But this feature I'm particularly proud of. Blogger. Just snap the picture, select Blogspot and publish. You never cease to amaze me, Q. Naturally 007, naturally.

The Generalist.

2006-11-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

One who knows nothing about everything.

The Specialist.

2006-11-19T21:54:00.000+08:00

One who knows everything about nothing.

Species.

2006-11-07T21:49:00.000+08:00

Women are a strange species. Best friends. They do everything together. Spa, coffee and hair wash. But when there is a sale on some specialty thing, "oh i totally forgot to tell you!" Yeah right, weird species.

Its Academic Really.

2006-11-06T21:46:00.000+08:00

I met the funniest academic today. He specialised in farming. He related the story of his internship where he was in charge of artificial insemination. "Wah I had so much fun that year. I got to play with liquid nitrogen. You dip the leaf in and throw it against the wall and it shatters like glass! I had to stick my hand up the female rectum to feel for the eggs. Anyway, i had this giant vagina that i used to capture the sperm from the bull just before he penetrates the family. He pushed so hard the vagina flew so far. Ha ha ha...". My dad and brother were blank. Do you know what mortified means? The blank expression of shock, the lack of humour, the aeroplane flying overhead. I was laughing my ass off.

The Complete Truth Entrepeneurs Male's Hang Out.

2006-11-03T21:43:00.000+08:00

This friday meeting always attracts the weirdest people. I mean some women turn up too. It must be the fellowship or something. But i always believe that God puts the extreme loonies in this fellowship. Maybe its just this chapter but it really doesn't feel normal. Today i sat with a lady who looked like Isma. I'm not joking. It frightened me so much so I kept looking to my left to see if she going to poison or stab me. "looking for this. Ha ha ha" you don't get it do you? Go watch the emperor's new groove.

Dead Pigeon.

2006-11-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

Eric, what happened here. It looks like the pigeon came in through the toilet window. Its pretty serious H. Any witnesses? No. It happened during the night. Eric, what is that? Its bird shit H. Its everywhere. Yeah judging by these footprints there is usually a laptop here. Good thing the owner took it with him. Wheres the body? Over there on the couch. It must have flown around until it ran out of energy and then died there. Its a strange place to die for a pigeon. Ah you must be lieutenant caine. And you must be tandrax. Do you know anyone who would do this? No idea. Do you have any enemies? Plenty. I'm the largest exporter of paper folded aeroplanes in the south east asia. Now if you don't mind i need to go for a meeting. Tandrax, don't leave town. We'll be meeting again. Cue music.

Saw Hi.

2006-10-17T21:33:00.000+08:00

"Yah, I saw the car skid and lose control and fly off the flyover and land 9m below", said the tow truck operator. Was that after your poured oil on the road? There is an expression for this in cantonese. I think it goes something like this; saw hi.

What happens when you drink 7 litres of water in an hour?

2006-10-13T12:50:00.000+08:00

37 minute piss.

Idiots.

2006-10-12T18:13:00.000+08:00

If you guys are so free to blog all this crap about soft drink manufacturers, 24 hour convenience stores, toothpaste manufacturers, you are embarrassing yourselves and your faith. Do you really think Allah would go through all this trouble to destroy companies which employ your kind of people. Please grow up and stop taking kick backs. Its really pathetic.

Upset.

2006-10-12T09:41:00.000+08:00

Upset. Today is come to work late day. Why? Because the bosses play nine holes today. Thats Big Boss and Junior Big Boss. As for Mickey Mouse Boss, nothing changes, I still go to the gym at 7am. However today I'm upset. Which niggah used my shower? Everyone knows that number three is my shower. Everyday same time. So what up man! They are only four regular guys in the gym. Mr. Skinny Indian Naked Banker, Mr 50km/h Middle Age Runner, Mr. Step Up Step Down Talker and ME! Thats why I joined a hotel gym duh. So which one of you niggahs thought it was funny to use my shower? I could kick all your asses if I wanted to. Upset.

Paradigm. Pronounced Parrahdeegem.

2006-10-11T12:56:00.000+08:00

My Nike Epic that the Mickey Mouse Club bought for my birthday, is away for one month. Unbelievable. The parachute cord broke and they can only feedback after a month. Typical Malaysian speed. No wonder we are where we are today. Wake up, idiots, China is starting to figure things out. They have just realised that they are growing too fast. Now they are learning to regulate and control themselves. When they have their major paradigm shift, we're all dead. Wake up people, we're too slow we can't even have a parrahdeegem shipt. I'm so frustrated. I just had breakfast with Headhunter yesterday and he's had enough. He's moving back to Oz next month. I wanna go to.

Cheap Thrills.

2006-10-10T12:46:00.000+08:00

If you want, take a song with the word "eyes" in the chorus or somewhere. Now replace the word "eyes" with the word "ass". Now think about it and sing it. Sit back and laugh. Not funny? Then get back to work cos you're free enough to read this blog.

Your Mission Should You Choose To Accept It.

2006-10-09T12:18:00.000+08:00

I feel like a secret agent again. Its been a while since I bought something that made me feels this cool. It may not be cool to you but it is in my head. In my head there is a theme song playing all the time. When I go to the gym the loud soundtrack makes me run harder because someone is chasing me and if he catches me he's gonna kick my ass. See, on my planet, there is no fat, but tons of pork. But the pork doesn't make you fat. Salad does. Its all reversed. What the hell are you talking about? Any way its the G Shock MTG-911D Tough Solar Tilt Sensor 30 Memo Stopwatch Timer 5 Alarm GMT Multi Time Zone Black Ion Band Limited Edition MI:III Engraved Timepiece. And I have pondered it for months now. Just when I noticed that it became scarce and the websites started labelling it rare, I couldn't wait anymore. In theory if you don't buy it today and you sleep on it and when you wake up, you don't go, "Oh my God , I love that watch", then you know you are not serious. If you forget about it, then it wasn't really that wow to begin with, get it? Same with most things. Well, I couldn't sleep.

http://www.skincouture.com.sg/

2006-10-08T16:31:00.000+08:00

How on earth does a pastor run the largest church in Singapore AND have a rockstar clothing boutique at the same time? Not only that, he is able to bless me and my fiancee with SGD X,XXX worth of clothes. That is what you call a paradigm shift. I didn't know that jeans could go that high. Anyway, my fashion consultant, Ms. Pooch Lah Lah, was throwing clothes at me to try. I thought I wouldn't fit into these tattoo culture tees that hollywood stars wear but I did. And I was loving it. Thick belts. Bling buckles, pointy shoes like cowboys made of dead crocodiles. I'm unrecognizable. My fans aren't going to like this.

Phiten.

2006-10-08T15:05:00.000+08:00

I'm not a gimicky person. Wait a minute, I am. Oh dear. I like the packaging. If you can package it well and have a great story. I'll pay money for it. You could package a piece of poo in a titanium felt lined casing and tell me that it was used by Stallone when he filmed Rocky, I would so buy it. Its like all those tactical weapons I buy. I won't buy it if there is a family guy on the package using it with his dog. But if the navy seals used it to shoot terrorists or its standard issue in the Marines, I gotta have it. Its one of those better to have it than not need it than to need it and not have it. Plus you should see the expressions on the faces of the people whom I tell these stories to. They are so impressed! I was walking at Marina Square and I came across the Phiten shop. I'd heard about it. Cheesy chinapek golfers would talk about it. Said it made the blood circulate better. Ok whatever, you have a whole shop of this stuff it must be good. Can I demo for you sir? Ok. You have any pains? Yah, my right wrist from tennis. Ok try lifting this bag with two fingers. Don't hurt yourself. Damn I can't. Ok, allow me. Some titanium tape here and a little titanium cream. Ok now try. Holy crap. I'm doing reps with two fingers. Its weightless. Its like kryptonite! Something about processed titanium. Circulation. Bracelets, necklaces, clothing. Who cares, good story, gimme one of those and one of those.

Somebody Gonna Get A Hurt Real Bad.

2006-10-07T19:00:00.000+08:00

Damn it was so funny. I was glad he didn't have old jokes. He had good material. He's more racist now. Much more. he even knew how to do the lahs. I guess he really connects to his fans because he studies their culture in detail, a man after my own heart. Worth driving to my favorite country for. Oh and he has a really fat guy opening for him too. Angelo Tsarouchas. See, fat people are funny.

Letter.

2006-09-30T11:49:00.000+08:00

Jesus,
Son of Joseph
Woodcrafters Carpenter Shop
Nazareth
25922

Dear Sir:

Thank you for submitting the resumes of the twelve men you have picked for managerial positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken our battery of tests; and we have not only run the results through our computer, but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologistand vocational aptitude consultant. The profiles of all tests are included, and you will want to study each of them carefully. As part of our service, we make some general comments for your guidance. This is given as a result of staff consultation, and comes withoutany additional fee. It is the staff opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education, and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. They do not have the team concept. We would recommend that you continue your search for persons of experience in managerial ability and proven competence. Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper. Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership. The two brothers, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, place personal interest above company loyalty. Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale. We feel that it is our duty to tell you that Matthew has been blacklisted by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau. James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus definitely have radical leanings, and they both registered a high score on the manic-depressive scale. One of the candidates, however, shows great potential. He is a man of ability, resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind and has contacts in high places. He is highly motivated, ambitious, and responsible. We recommend Judas Iscariot as your controller and right-hand man. All of the other profiles are self-explanatory.

Sincerely,

Jordan Management Consultants

Wait A Minute.

2006-09-29T12:29:00.000+08:00

So that means...
but all this time...
i thought it...
then how come Aunty K knows that...
and you were at the fu...
but then when did...
I mean...
you're ta...
do the children...
everyone knows...
I worked there and I never th...
how about Pu...
wine sh...
then di...
how on earth did...
Oh...

The Jockey's Dead.

2006-09-29T12:24:00.000+08:00

Niggah, didn't i tell you to park my ride in nice spot. This is on a corner of one of busiest streets in KL. You're fired, you're FIRED!

My Fairlady.

2006-09-29T12:18:00.000+08:00

How I've missed you. Sigh. Why did I sell you? You were so much fun, so sexy and so wide. All because I wanted to visit that *** in UK. Stupid exchange rate. Man, negro, why did you have to take a picture of it and send it to me? Now I can't sleep tonight.

Sunglasses Interview.

2006-09-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

So what are your qualifications? Not much. Look ridiculous. Kinda reminds me of that lady that runs that store which sells really expensive stuff. So can you wear these everyday? Maybe. Don't you look gay though? Yeah a little. Ok, I'll think about it.

Ew.

2006-09-28T12:20:00.000+08:00

I opened his drawer. I wish I didn't. I'm blind, I'm so blind. Remind me to mind my own business.

Burn Some More.

2006-09-28T11:55:00.000+08:00

If you can't take free speech on your website, then don't have it. Have a communist one instead then you just need a webmaster with no life who will just update once a year cos there are no new comments. And while you are at it, sell your soul to the devil. Applications are next to the elevator. Please take one, because thats exactly what you're doing. When something is right and you know it, be mature and accept it. You know its right. The intelligent indigenious among you are smarter than to believe the religious hype. They haven't changed their brand of bread because a hysterical fanatics group said something. Stupids. I hear they upgraded the elevator down to an express bullet train. Its run by the same gremlins too.

Stupid Tie.

2006-09-28T08:17:00.000+08:00

Why won't you cooperate dammit! I have to go already. Why won't you be symmetrical. No, the back has to be shorter than the front. Yes, but through the loop. No the label loop. Come on, you've been doing this since you were seven. Over left, under out, over right, under out, over again left, back to front through loop, pull straight, maintain triangle. No thats not a triangle, thats a samosa. Do it again! Argh! you're fired, you're FIRED!

Assicons.

2006-09-27T16:29:00.000+08:00

Thank you Lian for your contribution to society's email etiquette. We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where: :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) :-(

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?" …. Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x _) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

Ok, thats enought. Now get back to work.

Useless.

2006-09-27T14:22:00.000+08:00

Unbelievable. This dude from the Embassy comes over for lunch. After the meal is almost over the post meal banter starts. Except it's the G man talking about something in china speak with a thick Bejing accent, something Fred and I would laugh our asses off for. Then the politician and my brother, who are flanking him, start nodding off right in front of the guy! I mean could you be anymore subtle? I was wide awake and I didn't even understand what was going on. This is why I quit rice. It is a sleep drug. For those of you who want to stay productive, lay off the rice. Save it for the special occasions, like pork and soup.

Beautiful Scarf.

2006-09-26T22:57:00.000+08:00

Pocket dog! I miss playing with you because you are not smelly and you are a fluffy, entertaining dog. But Why do you have to pee when you see me?

Niggah Rich.

2006-09-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

Its from "Boiler Room". Watch it. Good movie. You only buy something when you can. Not on credit. Don't spend what you don't have, get it? Something I must learn. Starting a new life soon. Need to be responsible. No more tomfoolery, no more shenanigans, no more bally-hoo.

Ok Your Turn.

2006-09-25T22:43:00.000+08:00

Next, now that Mars has had a go, its your turn, Racing Jacket. Although Pooch and Buttmunch are laughing their asses off, you are not that out of date. The current model happens to be of a darker colour thats all. I know people are staring. Just keep going.

Emotional Intelligence.

2006-09-24T23:11:00.000+08:00

Stupid man. Do you know how hard it is to get a golf ball signed by Nick Freaking Faldo? Aside from applying for a visa and probably getting denied because we are a immature muslim country and the US Embassy wil do it just to piss you off, getting on a plane and flying to the US to the nearest city, hiring a car and driving all the way to the golf course where the tournament is being held and fighting with the crowd just to get near to the green and then get him to sign the ball which you forgot to bring because you got freaking jet lag! Argh! Your emotional intelligence is zero! You didn't even say thank you to your daughters, let alone me. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF... Oh never mind, I'll just go and stew and pray and do whatever harder. It sucks when everyone else has a cool role model and you're just a boss. I need a father Godammit not a boss. I got plenty of those and even some of them are like fathers. Show some reaction for God's sake.

You Better Be Pork Full.

2006-09-23T10:08:00.000+08:00

Here is what I will do if you are lacking in the piggy. I will burn the restaurant down. I will post flyers everywhere. I will protest outside the entrance. I won't eat for a month (well, maybe just a little). I will never visit any of your outlets again. I shall never contribute a single cent to your franchise ever again. I will tell the world that you are a sell out. I will migrate to Singapore. However if you do have the piggy then thats different isn't it? You're happy, I'm happy. My crew, MMC, is happy. You see this doesn't have to be an awkward situation right? So do the right thing before you wake up with a piggy's head next to you.

Please Do Not Comment On This Blog.

2006-09-22T01:01:00.000+08:00

I'm upset, I can't tell why. Growth stretch thing. Lost. Paradigm shift ass kicking. I shouldn't be mad but I am. I can't put my finger on it. For the first time since I quit the hotel, I'm unhappy. They are confusing me. Pushing again. Forcing my blood presure to go up again. I just got it where I want. Now its up. Supposed to get married first. Don't worry about the other stuff. Now I get hit for this and that. Now I'm stressed and confused. I don't like being owned. Its very unsettling. Pray. Pray harder. God's listening.

It Sucks To Be A Spider On The Hood Of A Forester Doing 90km/h.

2006-09-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

Ok, I've landed. My silk is running out. Can't make a web today. I think I landed on something silvery in colour. Seems nice and cool, not that it matters. Wait, whats that rumbling noise? Oh no the ground is shaking, I think I'll climb up this black and grey chequered thing. Oh the wind's picking up. Whats that whistling noise? I can hear air rushing beneath me. Oh boy, I can't hold on. Now there's water falling everywhere. I have to dodge water and hold on without getting blown off. This wind is too strong, I'll have to take my chances and let go. Here goes... Wow, I made it! Woo Hoo! I made it. It feels like solid ground, its still raining but I made it yipee! Now I just need to find some shelter and I'll be just... SPLAT!

(If you just read this story, you must be really bored and I feel sorry for you. Now get back to work.)

Rounder.

2006-09-19T21:27:00.000+08:00

Yay, I ordered my AK Suit 650 Chip Set in Aluminium case from auspokerchips.com. Now I'll just wait for my other half to go to Melbourne to pick it up. I also ordered 4 packs of World Poker Tour cards and a bunch of other stuff. Yep, I'm gonna join my hustler Grandma in the backdoor card game business. Its not about winning the money, strangely. Its about being able to confidentally bullsquash your way to winning. You don't actually play the cards. You play the man. I have this problem, I wear my tell for everyone to see. When you figure out a person's tell, you don't say anything. You slowly drain them of their money. I use poker to learn how to deal with my lack of poker face. See, on my weekly Thursday night game, they don't like it when I win. I'm on two people's poolist already because they couldn't read me, or figure me out. But they will eventually. Thats what I must learn. Please watch "Rounders". Its just brilliant. And I just won $2,960 on fulltiltpoker.com. Nice. Its still play money but its nice.

Sunglasses Meeting.

2006-09-15T17:46:00.000+08:00

Ok gather round Oakleys. Mars, present, Straight Jacket, Present and Racing Jacket, present. Now, I know I bought you guys at a song back in 2000. But now its 2006. So now that I have contacts, I will wear each of you for certain period of time to make your lives worthwhile until such time when the general public cannot take it anymore and they throw rocks at me and call the fashion police. Is that clear? Any questions? What is it Straight Jacket? Well, thats too bad that Pooch and Buttmunch think you look ridiculous, I will still wear you, so don't worry. Any other questions? No, I'm not giving you guys away like the other 47 pairs. They were the wrong colours anyway. Ok, go clean yourselves and jump in my briefcase. Time to look cool.

Don't Get Me Started.

2006-09-14T11:16:00.000+08:00

Wow. I mean, you get an organisation to tear your competitor apart and then you sit back and enjoy it. It must be the Malaysian component of this Singapore owned conglomerate who is doing this. Singaporeans have better things to do. Like competing internationally, as opposed to back stabbing your fellow brothers and bringing this country to a new level. So dissappointing you all are. Oh and by the way, your parent company owns a really fat pork farm in Australia. So, the money that changes hands in your company, the blood that runs through your company's veins has touched pork. Tell that to your religious association. Tell them to review yourselves after they have cashed the cheque. Ask them what they bought with the money. How dare you bring religion and God into this. You have no idea what you are dealing with. Absolutely no clue. And isn't it funny how countries that eat pork, generally do quite well? Like our southerly neighbours who started off just like us. Interesting. I feel like pork today.

Standard Disclaimer

2006-09-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

I think all websites should have a good disclaimer label thingamajigggy attached to protect ourselves from "the man". And you can't sue me! Ha Ha! So here it is:

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I did it! I did it! I did it!

2006-09-12T16:19:00.000+08:00

I stuck my finger in my eye! Woo hoo! I can wear contacts! Yay! Now I can see! Its like when you get your superpowers. You start trying it out for the first time. Its amazing. People wonder what you're doing though, but it is so cool! Its as if you have x-ray vision. Its as if you have heat vision. Its like bionic vision. Please don't tell me thats what regular guys see. What a downer. Now I can wear all those Oakleys I bought half a decade ago and look really out of date. Still, I touched my eyeball and pushed it around. It feels pretty weird. Kind of like a fishball but harder. Ok, now I have to figure out how to take the contacts out. Crap.

Faffing Around.

2006-09-11T22:33:00.000+08:00

I have a secret to tell you. Are you ready? I did nothing today. Absolutely nothing. It would appear that I did, but that is pure skill. You see I have the ability to make people believe. Thats what I do. I can make it look like I'm busy. I'd be in meetings or talking to clients, but I'm not actually there. The lights are on but nobody's home. the engine's running but there is no one behind the wheel. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. A couple of aces and jacks missing from the deck. You get what I mean. I'm in the office faffing. Its called autopilot. I just recently watched a movie that talks about autopiloting. Its a good idea not to because you miss out the most important parts of your life. But today, I did jack. Paper aeroplanes, paperclip nunchucks, newspaper boats that sink, 50 cent futsal, power naps. My brother is going to kick my ass. Maybe I should just tell him not to pay me for today.

"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.?"

2006-09-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

"That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."

Tai Chi.

2006-09-09T17:08:00.000+08:00

Tai Chi is the greatest of all Malaysian skills. That and probably making Maggi Mee and pouring teh tarik. If you were to put all the best Malaysian managers around a giant table and then have a ball connected to a pole via a rod and this pole is connected to a gear system and this gear system was connected to a dynamo, wow. You can ask the managers to pretend that the ball is a task. The ball would travel around the table so fast that the energy powered by the dynamo can run the electricity of an entire city! Think how much we'd save?!

All This Was Mine.

2006-09-08T13:54:00.000+08:00

He's a great man. I love him, he's so brilliant that we can't communicate for more than five minutes. My own brain starts to smoke out my ears. Watching the politician hold court is amazing. The visionary stories, they're great stories but you have to listen for a while. I never knew that in the 70s his net worth was so much that he controlled the future of KL. All the places we go to today. Everything we know somehow was owned by him. The land where the PM's house sits in Putrajaya. Bandaraya in Bangsar. The roads. Cheras Perdana. Kajang. So strategic and so clever. The company had its roots planted in the major corners of KL. If that had continued till today not even the giants today; MK, YTL, Berjaya or Sunway put together can match the ginormousness of the whole thing. And I wouldn't blogging now probably. My PA would. I'd have an S-Class and a driver and a bodyguard. I'd be eccentric. I wouldn't eat chap fan. I probably wouldn't have a Mickey Mouse Club. I probably wouldn't even speak to you cos I'd be losing money. Thank you, Lord, for giving me life, throwing the politician in the clink and keeping me humble.

Life Backwards.

2006-09-08T01:14:00.000+08:00

This is brilliant, it was emailed to me: I think the life cycle is all backwards... You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then, you finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case.

Burn.

2006-09-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

This is what really dissappoints me about our country. Its all about convienience and greed. I mean you can "contribute" to a religious association and then they can arrange raids for you so that your competition can be unfairly publicised and then you can crush them while they are down. From my understanding, if you use religion to pull off a stunt like this, you will burn in hell. I could be wrong but I'm quite sure thats what happens. Its an express elevator straight to the depths of hell. Then you burn there at about 3000℃. Then a gremlin with a clipboard shows up and takes you to another level via another express elevator which goes down another level. There you burn at 5000℃. After that a gargoyle with a PDA comes over to pick you up and takes you to another express elevator and you go down some more and you arrive at a level much lower down, where the temperature is 8000℃. By this time about a thousand years have past and even though you are crispy, you still burn. It never ends. Not really worth it if you ask me. The gremlins probably don't send you to the right levels anyway. Thats what happens to you when you take matters into your own hands. They are much bigger things to worry about in this world and here we are fighting each other when the real war hasn't even come to our shores yet. The big battle hasn't even begun yet and we're not ready. Not at all. Why? Because we are too busy stabbing our own brothers. Go to hell then. You might as well, you've already sold your children's futures and inheritance. In a hundred years time they will speak a great civilization that was wiped out because of stupidity. I'm outta here.

Conned.

2006-09-05T18:25:00.000+08:00

I got burnt badly today, playing tennis with old people in Taiping. Who is the asswipe who said these are small town folk? Come here so I can kick your ass into next week. 'Nuff said.

Faster.

2006-09-04T09:38:00.000+08:00

Welcome back! I see your're here for another service. No just a blown light bulb. Well let me just remind you that we still have a couple of '04 WRX's brand new unregistered and '05 WRX's too. Cheap. We'll throw in the STI Genome triple meter hood too. 3 year warranty. And if you like I can arrange for the Prodrive kit which will increase horses from 225 to 265. You're zero to sixty is improved from 5.7 seconds to about 4.8 seconds. So what do you think about the dealio? What do you say? Hey why are you running away from me? Where are you going? Hey come back here! I can trade the Forester in. We'll make you an offer you can't refuse! So rude.

Friends With Benefits.

2006-09-03T23:51:00.000+08:00

I would like to cover this topic today for those who have this dilemma. Its a dilemma because you monkeys come complaining to me that you don't feel right. Well, let me start kicking your ass. What makes you think that you can have friends with benefits and then also believe that you can be in complete control? Idiot. One day she says, I met someone. Mushroom cloud on top of mushroom cloud on top of mushroom cloud. You wonder whether you were in control at all? You see, the woman always makes you think that you get what you want and then it the end you think you control everything. It's the greatest trick the devil ever pulled. And now you are mad. Don't be. Move on. You see when you bump uglies, you are exchanging a lot more than you realise. You're involving your soul. Its really quite dangerous actually and if you don't come to terms with it, you will get chlamydia and you will die. It will itch first. Please read the label. Have a nice day.

Stupid Eyeball.

2006-08-30T17:54:00.000+08:00

I just tried to get contacts put in my eye. What a frustrating time that was. I REALLY want to put the lens in my freakin' eye. But no. My eye lid has other plans. When the lens approaches 3.7mm alarm bells start ringing. And then my eyelashes get in the way. Honey you can have my stupid eye lashes. They are completely useless except for folding contact lenses in half when you really need them to go in your ******* eye! So the optometristicianist guy says lets have another session so that we can train your eye lids. I'm so mad. Stupid eye lids. This is why we flinch. Cos we are so scared that something might happen to us. What a wuss. Aaaaargh kill me now!

Tandrax's Top Ten Movies Of All Time. (as of today, it may change from time to time.)

2006-08-26T01:29:00.000+08:00

1. Oceans Eleven.
2. Scarface.
3. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.
4. Swingers.
5. Boiler Room.
6. Heat.
7. Boondock Saints.
8. Office Space.
9. Rounders.
10. Napoleon Dynamite.

More Anointed.

2006-08-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

Its E06. The last SIB conference we had was E03 three years ago. Since last Friday I have been blasted with God's anointing non stop. Its been an incedible week. I have been transformed. Its incredible. Everything I have done in my life is prologued to this moment. After getting back from seeing A.R. Bernard in Singapore (my other home city), I have looked after Pastor Danny Guglielmucci and Pastor Nick Resce. Who are they? Well, men of God, but more importantly the reason for my personal revival. They're Italian. I relate so well to them. Never mind that, Pastor Danny has a 1971 Mustang Convertible and a Lexus 250 with blings and tint. He used to have a WRX, he asked me to buy one. Pastor Nick changed my wardrobe. Why am I so excited? Let me ask you this? When was I really excited about myself, the last time? Its been a while, a really long while. You don't get to catch the passion of God that often. But when these two guys put everything in context, holy cow... Bert and I took Pastor Nick shopping and he loves all the stuff we have in KL and says that its better than Singapore! He even bought us super pointy shoes! The kind that the banquet boyz wear. So I took him to Sungei Wang and he went crazy there too. Now I wear pointy shoes. I used to laugh at these people. He says "You have no idea what you guys have here! It's better than Adelaide!" Pastor Nick is in the serious shoe ministry. You become culturally relevant by passing shoes down to the next generation and buying new pairs for yourself. You don't have to spend a lot of money, just be up to date. Pastor Nick also preaches occasionally. He taught me this, "Leadership is about taking people to a place they don't want to go, but when they get there, they are glad it was their idea." Wow that is so true. Be culturally relevant. He also talked about a spirit of excellence, it's not just doing the minimum it's going beyond and stepping out of your comfort zone. It does not discriminate between what is convenient and what is comfortable, it just does it. Just like higher moral ground. I'm so glad that Pastor Chew connected to these guys. Its amazing the same values they share. Its just that Pastor Chew is older and he combs his hair to the side. Yet his heart is so strong for God. One time, Pastor Danny made all the Senior Pastors from visiting churches come to the front and then asked each congregation member to pick one and hug them. Its to demonstrate that our fathers never hugged us and told us that they love us. So true. Don't make me cry. Ok, so, as I am working and looking after Pastor Danny, I stood firm and observed. Next thing you know everyone starts bursting into tears. Oh my God, I can't take it when someone crys. It just gets to me. Then Pastor Chew comes to me and reaches out. Oh great, here we go. I'm a grown man. I'm a grown man. I'm a grown man. Who are you kidding. Pastor Chew then told me he wants to make me his spiritual son. He wanted to mentor me! A loser! Wow, no pastor ever did that for me. He told me, "I believe in you, son." And then I burst into tears. Great, you big wuss. I was dissapointed when I told my excitement to some of my family. I wanted to tell them how they do things overseas. How much we should change and move the church with the times. Immediately I got the typical-Malaysian-lets-quit-and-not-bother-cos-change-is-too-difficult-for-Malaysia answer. Damn I was so dissapointed. Thats EXACTLY what A.R. Bernard, the old man, Pastor Nick, Pastor Danny and Pastor Kong said. You declare you're losers before you even start! Such a defeatist attitude. "Oh but I'm being realistic." **** realistic. You either have faith or you don't. Its people like you who have held this country back. YOU ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN. Hey this is not Australia bla bla bla, our people are too old, you know how old pastor chew is etc? You're damn right this is not Australia! Its bloody Malaysia! Why can't we cast our own damn shadow on other countries. Why do we have to live in everyone else's shadow? You think the church can't do it? Faith of a mustard seed? No. We don't believe. We're too chicken. God's heart breaks when his people don't believe. Typical, don't get me started. I've got a lot of work to do.

Anointed.

2006-08-21T23:56:00.000+08:00

You wouldn't believe it. Church is not pews and kneeling on cushions anymore. The paradigm has shifted big time. Its exploding. CHC has a congregation of 8100 people on a Sunday morning. Its not like keyboards and guitars anymore. Its a rock concert on a Sunday morning. Friday night I saw A.R. Benard. What a speaker. This is how Pastor Kong introduced him; "How do I introduce a man who hangs out with Bill Clinton. How do I introduce a man who mentors Denzel Washington. How do I introduce a man who influences Fortune 500 CEOs." Guess what? This guy talks about mindsets! Its exactly what the old man has been saying all this time. He drew a flow chart which started at Mind and ended in Success or Failure. Then he proceeded to explain how we get output from input. It was incredible. Unbelievable. Its all about engaging the culture not running away from it. Its the power of influence, man, power of influence.

My Boyz.

2006-08-17T21:32:00.000+08:00

It appears whoever I'm related to somehow is an ass in some form or another. Does that make me an ass too? No don't answer that question. I'd better switch off the comments for this blog. I was so happy to see my new cousins again though. I only just discovered these monkeys existed about three years ago. But that is another story. I have been very fond of them ever since. I think they like the idea that they have a big cousin brudder. The oldest one just found out about his "other" families. Actually can you imagine that? Franchised families around the world. Then at your funeral all these wives and kids show up. "Hey who the hell are you?" Its like Dallas, Dynasty and The Bold and the Beautiful except with Chinese people. Oh well, I could write a whole blog on that kinda stuff too.

Asses.

2006-08-15T00:50:00.000+08:00

I told you people already. If you mess with my MacBook I will blog you. Since my sisters have been reunited again, they have been up to absolutely no good. Eating, taking naps, snacking, sleeping late, messing with people's Macs, munching on junkfood, cooking in the middle of the night, upsetting Mom, making ridiculous home videos. If you have no life and you really want to, you can try to get into the minds of these moronic monkeys you can try this link. Quite simply creativity with no guidance or mentoring whatsoever. Its like giving Einstein seven pints of colombian blend, 63 Kitkats, 17 lemons, six lines of Bolivia's finest and a video camera. Its hard to believe we're related, yet I love them dearly with all my heart. I just don't tell them. Its good to see Nana, Buttmunch and Pooch back together again. This house is alive again. Do check out the Bread Town documentary. Listen to Pooch's well honed Marxist accent as she leads you through the journey of High Five bread, simply the better bread.

Baptism.

2006-08-13T16:54:00.000+08:00

Yay! My better half got baptised today. She's been saved all her life but somehow never got baptised in Calvary. But she did it at SIB. Usually the wife has to follow the husband to his church. She's always had an attachment to Calvary where we grew up, although I didn't know her then and if I did I would be 16 and she would have been 10. Ew. Ok, thats weird, sorry. Um, anyhoo, the bible says in Ephesians 5:22-24, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Don't worry honey it says that in the bible but it somehow ends up the other way around sometimes. I'm just glad its you. Thats our marriage coach on the left, Pastor CG. He and his wife are truly wonderful people and we couldn't ask for better people to help us in our new adventure.

Non Stop Seafood.

2006-08-12T19:15:00.000+08:00

I've stopped eating seafood, except in Taiping. Cos thats all we eat there. Non stop. This is sundown at a fishing village near Taiping. I don't get it. Ten people can eat crabs, prawns, veggie, fish and a few other dishes and burp for two minutes each consistently with toothpicks in their mouths. The bill? RM110. I keep falling off my chair and laughing in Taiping. Its like this all the time. Thats why I don't mind coming up here all the time. Its nice. It's not for everyone mind you, but I think I found my hometown.

Related Rascal.

2006-08-12T18:57:00.000+08:00

While at Grand Aunty's house, I get bored sometimes. No let me rephrase that. Frustrated. You see Grand Uncle is super deaf. My Grandma is half deaf. Grand Aunty is just Grand Aunty. So there is a lot of yelling. A lot. "Where are we going for dinner?", "HUH?! WHAT?! WHO IS LINDA?" Oh forget it. So I play with this kid. This is my Grandma's sister's son's son's kid. That makes her my niece I think. She looks cute but she is a rascal. Bit of a hustler too. What is it with my family? She loves ice. Thats about it. She crunches ice all the time. Sounds like someone I know. If you wanna shut her up, just give her ice. She's cheeky but very cute. I taught her to close her eyes really tight and stick her tongue out, but don't tell anyone. Next week I'll teach her to take the batteries out of the remote.

Grandma Is A Hustler.

2006-08-11T10:18:00.000+08:00

She's 85 years old. She's Nyonya. She cooks better than your Mom. She scolds in Hokkien. She has a handphone. She's independant. She scolds me for eating chocolate while she takes it and eats it herself. She plays Mahjong and Chiki 7 days a week. She has a backdoor card game going on at her house. She takes her friends for a couple of Gs per week. She does a bi-monthly pilgrimage to Genting where she cleans them out of tissues-with-Genting-logos and toothpicks (VIP Platinum Member since the casino opened, NOT joking). She loves me too much. She feeds me way too much. She's going deaf. She doesn't understand my sisters but she loves them. She called my cousin's girlfriend a whore. She is unbelievable. Holy crap she's going to live to be a hundred and she's still going to drive everyone loony. Poor Ah Yee has lived with her since I had puberty. Maybe longer. Now SHE should get a freakin' medal. Don't get me wrong, we love Grandma, we really do. She's just a hustler. So when I drive up to Taiping to drop her off at her sisters place, its about three and a half hours of grandmaspeak and I can't take it. Thats why I can do KL - Taiping in two hours. Screw the petrol. I wanna keep my ears. I'm also gonna trade up to a WRX.

Sabotage.

2006-08-01T17:21:00.000+08:00

Hi I'm TandraxPPC, who are you? Oh hi, I'm TandraxV3i. Nice to meet you. What do you do? Oh I am Tandrax's daily phone. I'm quite slim and stylish and I have iTunes. Wow, you are slim. I'm very fat. I've always been like this. I have a keyboard and flip around screen. But my specialty is 3G. Oooh, 3G, I wish I had that. I have a cousin, V3X, he's got 3G but he put on a lot of weight. Hi, what are you guys talking about? Oh we're talking about our features. Who are you? I'm TandraxMAC. Wow, you're all white. What can you do? Oh I play dvds, I have built in wireless and bluetooth and I generally make PCs envious. Wow. So I hear Tandrax wants to syncronise all of us together huh? Yup. Thats almost 500 names, phone numbers and addresses. Not to mention a year's worth of birthdays and appointments. I can speak V3i but I'm afraid I don't speak PPC. Well Tandrax bought this special sync software from Mark/Space which will sync everything. Its a bit experimental but I guess it can work. You go first, TandraxV3i. Ok, here goes... Ok, that went well, now you go TandraxPPC. I'm scared. I never done this before. Ok, why don't we go together. Ready? One, two, three...sync! Um whats something plus nothing. That makes nothing right? No silly, something plus nothing equals something! Are you sure? Sure, I'm sure, ask TandraxMAC. Um, I've never done this before. I guess something plus nothing equals a bit of both right? Thats what syncing is right? Well when I was with the old PC thats what happened. Thats strange. Hey whats the address book doing? Why are all the numbers disappearing one by one? Abort quick! No no no no! Wait, stop! Do something! So...I guess something plus nothing equals absolutely nothing. What do you have? Nothing. How about you? Nothing. I got nothing. Is there a backup? What backup?

Oh, oh. Tandrax is going to be really mad.

Mind your 'P's and 'Q's.

2006-07-27T15:19:00.000+08:00

Thats five times this week. I let someone pass. I didn't have to but I did. I waved them through. Why? Because thats the way it should be. Its a basic courtesy which in turn creates a medium of courtesy. Not one single acknowledgement or thank you. No wonder Malaysians love to punish one another all the time. I felt that way too and I hate that. People don't understand how nice it is to receive a thank you. What is going on with this country? I don't owe you anything. I don't have to be nice to you. I don't have to give way. But you look at me like its my fault that I am in your way. You don't even say thank you. You have to have your stupid little victories every day. If you can cut the queue today, you are a winner. If the road is narrow and I'm the one who has to back up then you are the winner. Small brain. The old man used to say it best. How does it go again? If you reach back far enough in your backside and feel two nubbins, give them a sharp pull. Those are your ears. Have a nice day.

95 Days.

2006-07-26T08:26:00.000+08:00

My fantastic fiancee has this amazing ability to get the coolest stuff for me. It could be a pair of cufflinks or a toy car or a key chain, whatever it is, its always cool. It always makes me cheesy happy, like a four year old. Yet somehow I always manage to buy her, crap. I really don't know why. I think my creative juices have depleted slowly as I got older. Sorry baby, I need to work on that and a whole bunch of other things too. In any case, she bought this for our fourth anniversary. I charged it straight away and began using it every day. It has a minute countdown meter that tells you how much time is left in the battery. Very cool. Not as cool as the fact that since I charged it in April, it still hasn't died yet. One charge has lasted 95 days and counting. Ok, I know I may not have as much facial hair as the next guy but just how long is an average shave? A minute? A minute and a half? Who cares! Its so cool! It even tells me when to wash it. My face is as smooth as a baby's ass. Wow, just think, I only have to charge it four times a year! Wah! Think how much electrity I'll save! Thanks honey!

Change Or Die.

2006-07-25T16:56:00.000+08:00

This has to be without a shadow of a doubt the most frustrating, annoying, irritating, useless, idiotic day of my life. Good morning, I'd like to open an account. May I see your IC? Oh this is the Bangsar branch. You have to go to the Jalan Semantan branch because thats nearer to your house. Ok. I drive there. Its in the UN building. No biggie. I'll just park and go in. ALL the parking spots are reserved spots with car plate numbers on them. And then those who have Kancils decide they can park in small lanes with only enough space for other Kancils to pass. What about Foresters? Or God forbid other similar size cars. And don't look at me like that a******! Forget it, I'll go back to Bangsar and tell them what happened. Hi, I was here earlier and now I'm back cos you can't even park there so whats the point? Can I see your IC. Unbelievable. Here. You have to fill in the form and deposit RM250. Niggah, I need to open the account so that my employer can deposit my salary in. Hang on. Hi, Kor, do you have any money on you? No? Ah **** it, nevermind. I'm going to the office. So I'm back at the office. Intercom. Can I see you in my office? Whats up? The salary gets put in today. Did you get your bank account opened? Ah, about that... So I borrow some money and off to Ampang Park we go. Haven't been there since I was a kid. I park and get to the bank. Hi how can I help you? I'd like to open a bank account. Not here, you have to go over to that desk there. Ok. Hi I'd like to open a bank account. Ok, fill this in. I already have. Ok. Did you make an appointment? No. Ok I'll put you in for 2:30pm. Fine. One hour later. Hi I'm here for an appointment at 2:30pm. I would like to open an account. Savings or Current? Current. Oh sorry I don't do that. I only do Savings. You have to make an appoinment. So, ok fine whatever. Hi, I'd like to open a bank account. A current one. Today. Now. Niggah. Deposit RM1000. You gotta be kidding me. And you need an introducer. And a letter. I can't write this anymore.

Forgive But Not Forget.

2006-07-22T12:02:00.000+08:00

I stayed at Crazy White Boy's place in Singapore. Thanks dude for always putting me up when I'm there in the land of i wish this was malaysia but its not so lets enjoy it anyway. Love it down there. Service was incredible. The car buying experience. Damn. Blew my mind. Dude you should buy the 300C. Its so cheap its not even funny. And its so bling. Or the Porsche. Anyway you're my oldest friend and I worry about you. Since we were what, 5 years old? What you have been through in the last 10 months has been crap. And thats putting it nicely. I was thinking about what you said in the Mac store. My reply is this. Listen carefully. It is humanly IMPOSSIBLE to forgive someone. Especially when you did the most dastardly thing and you really hurt someone. So I am talking about the kind of forgiveness that is 100%, unadulterated, unspoilt, absolutely, pure and untouched. Its impossible. We are talking decades of getting over it and even then there is the occasional guilt trip. It sucks and I speak from experience. Only God can give you peace of mind and the ability of true absolute pure forgiveness. She, has to work out her own demons. You, have done you're time. Its been almost a year now. You have punished you. And she has punished you. If she can't deal with it, then its not your problem. God has to deal with her not you. You've said your sorry and you have asked for forgiveness. There are people in this world that are so bitter about their lives because someone did something to them. And the sad thing is this person doesn't even know they did wrong. They go about their lives none the wiser. And there they are, upset bitter and grudged. It eats away inside, it eats away so much that even cancer can take over. The mind is a powerful thing. I hope you understand. Life is way too short. Time to move on. That C Class is looking slow now. So, niggah, my advice to you is... buy the Boxster.

The Mickey Mouse Hotel.

2006-07-19T10:59:00.000+08:00

It was so good to see the MMC again. Everyone was there including some new members. The original seven now truly dispersed. Tai Kor is still there. Cha Cha will still be there. Ah Lian is leaving for UK in couple of days and she is crying already. Piggy has moved to a new role. Crazee is still out of her mind and grabbing other people's stuff. Fred has a serious gut now. New member Alien YWH-01 still the same. Fat. Its nice to see that Group Coor has finally moved to Banquets. I wish I was still around for that. She would so kick everyone's ass. Ah Sing Kor's daughter was there. Loud as ever. Some people don't have the little voice in the head to regulate what comes out. She's one of them. Crazee is like that too. Blam! Oooops did I say that out loud. But thats the way they all are. You gotta love them for who the are. Apparently I have lost weight. Yeah right. I miss them a lot. They were my life for three solid years and I will never forget it. The things I learnt to do and not to do. I always used to say, if we all ran a hotel, we would have enough experience between us to ran every department. The Mickey Mouse Hotel. Wow.

Foie Gras.

2006-07-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

Foie gras, French for "fatty liver," is made from the grotesquely enlarged livers of male ducks and geese. The birds are kept in tiny wire cages or packed into sheds. Pipes are repeatedly shoved down the birds' throats, and up to 4 pounds of grain and fat are pumped into their stomachs two or three times every day. The pipes puncture many birds' throats, sometimes causing the animals to bleed to death. This cruel procedure causes the birds' livers to become diseased and swell to up to 10 times their normal size. Many birds become too sick to stand up. The birds who survive the force-feeding are killed, and their livers are sold for foie gras. And it tastes damn good.

Macbook Back!

2006-07-14T12:08:00.000+08:00

Yay! Lets hope they were smart enough to replace the parts made with better materials. I've missed you...

Cool!

2006-07-13T12:28:00.000+08:00

Ok its not cool, but wow. We throw quicklime and charcoal together heat it up to a few thousand degrees and then pow! you get calcium carbide. Ok its not that simple but its really cool.